holding on & letting go
a mothers dilemma
a mothers duty
unknowns & fears
joys & sorrows
torn between what your heart wants
and what your head knows
a mothers dilemma
a mothers duty
I want her to stay with me forever. I know that is the mind of a deranged parent. I can
still think it without saying it aloud. She is a piece of me that I cannot be without.
I know that it has gone on for millions of years. The letting go. The change from child to woman. The loss of the bird in the nest. I am painfully aware of all these things. Yet with my mind full of knowledge and ready for action, i fall down. Like a child myself. My heart overpowers my mind and I lose the ability to see the difference between holding on and letting go.
It's a loss. In my heart she should still be swaddled and protected. In my mind, I have the monumental task of preparing her for the person she wants to become. I don't want it. Who said I can't keep her with me? Who said she will move on? Who?
Like a spoiled child, I close my mouth and hold my breath until the colors of defeat change my face. Then, with all the strength of my soul I will again rise to the challenge of preparation. The task at hand.
The letting go.
1 comment:
who says that you have to let go?
because the moment that that cord was cut-you became two different people...
it was celebrated and understood, accepted. needed. but it didn't mean that she didn't need you anymore-no... she needed you more than ever.
and it's no different from when the doors are open and her wings are ready... she'll still need you more than ever-to be her guide, a voice of reason and reassurance... some wind to carry her. some softness to fall to.
'I have the monumental task of preparing her for the person she wants to become.'
she won't just become... it's her journey, and you are written deep in that story. threads of you all throughout the binding, holding together the pages.
xoxoxox
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