that next moment

As the summer nears it's end, I have a brief moment to remind myself of what matters. It's not an epiphany or something that has never been thought of. It's nothing that hasn't already been thought of millions of times throughout history.

Whatever the thoughts of you heart drift to or your soul believes in. The things that make you who you are. Our joys and sorrows are the natural order of life. The ebb and flow of the tides that our lives mimic. Those are the things that consume my mind.

For me, it is particularly important to remind myself of these things. I have battled myself since my early teenage years. Some self imposed but, all unstoppable. Sadness that washes over me like night. Creeping into every corner, seeking weakness and crushing my spirit. Difficult for others to understand and impossible to ignore. I have fought the invisible and lose ground as the years go on. It takes it's place in my life. An unwanted visitor that threatens not only my well being but the well being of everyone around me.

Then I see that brief moment. The one that let's me see clearly. Remember what matters. I try to crawl inside that sliver of time but, it is too small. All too often it spits me out and I tumble towards the darkness. Inside I can feel myself scratch and claw but, outside I shut down. I'm hollow. I'm beat. I'm waiting for that next moment.