clear corners

That is what I'm looking for.  Clear Corners.  Of my house, career, mind, home, life.  It seems like a task that has a beginning and an end when you think about it.  That's a dirty rotten lie.  It is all middle.  Where do I start?  Is the beginning the teary breakdown I had today because I have no money to take care of my family, or do my job properly, or even not feel guilty about buying lunch after fourteen 10-12 hour days at work?  I can't even see anything but the middle and here I am, in it, unable to climb out.  I am overwhelmed, saddened, defeated and all the while I still have to be a good wife, mother, friend, daughter...  

I realize that there are people that have it worse.  I get it.  I know that it will "all work out".  I get it.  I know that everyone falls down.  I fucking get it.  But what about the MIDDLE?  What direction is the way out?  No one can tell you that!  All the advise that people want to give me and no one can fucking tell me the way out!

I am grateful for the people that I have in my life.  I love them all intensely, am loyal to a fault.  In return I need to be able to fall apart in a blubbering heap without all the cliches that come with being down, depressed or financially challenged.  Just let me cry, be miserable and work through it.  I know that it makes you sad to see me like this but I need to work it out, to find something other than the middle.

I am angry at myself, I am disappointed and I need to find the way out.